There was a boy in elementary school who had a reputation for being tough and liked to bully the kids that were smaller or appeared weaker than him. He was the best athlete in our class, he could run faster, hit the softball farther and was definitely the strongest. Everyone was afraid of him. I was afraid of him.

As we got older and left elementary school he kind of slipped into anonymity. He wasn’t so tough anymore nor could he bully us anymore. In fact, I completely lost track of him and never really noticed him in high school.

Although grown-up bullies still exist, they aren’t quite as frightening as they were when I was in elementary school. Nevertheless, that type of brutish atmosphere isn’t very conducive to creativity and collaboration. However, even more than a bully, I think there is something else that makes it difficult for teams to effectively collaborate.

We work in an age of instant messaging, email and other almost instantaneous communication. We can’t let the immediacy of the medium allow us to become callous and casual in how we approach our co-workers, even when problems arise and mistakes are made. I believe that even in today’s workplace, there is a place for common (maybe not so common now) courtesy.

1. Take time to make communication thoughtful and cordial: When timelines are truncated and project teams are asked to do more and more, take an extra few seconds when writing an email or other communique to consider that your communication is going to a person. I like to begin every email with a salutation, which reminds me that I am writing to someone. The extra two or three seconds it takes me to address the person I’m writing to doesn’t negatively impact my productivity, but it does help me foster a productive and cordial working relationship.
2. Take time to be polite: Within the imperfect world of project-based work, sometimes difficult decisions take place. That doesn’t mean we can throw civility out the window. Over the thirty-plus years of my career I’ve watched what used to be considered common courtesy among superiors, subordinates and co-workers become “quaint” and considered “unnecessary.” There is nothing wrong with considering the feelings of someone needing correcting, regardless of how stupid you think they are or how big a mistake you think they’ve made. Being polite and considerate of each other is the very least we should be able to expect from our “professional” colleagues. Anything less is unproductive and immature.
3. Remove the criticism from “constructive” criticism: I was taught early in my career, by friends and colleagues much wiser than myself, that “criticism” is never “constructive.” I don’t think I have ever worked with a project team that agreed all the time. Project management involves a lot of problem solving, which means that it’s seldom done right the first time. Fostering a creative environment where team members are creatively solving problems and pushing for excellence requires collaboration, not criticism. Where disagreements arise or a course correction is required, “I don’t like this,” should be followed by, “Here’s why, and here’s a suggestion as to how you might proceed.”
4. Remember that critique is always easier than execution: It’s always easier to see the flaws from the outside looking in. Theodore Roosevelt said, “It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause who, at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

Effective communication and collaboration doesn’t rely on tricks or gimmicks. In my opinion, it’s important to remember that effective communication is personal. It doesn’t matter if it’s face to face, via email, or even in a blog—its one person interacting with another. Project management tools can help facilitate this, but it’s really up to you.

American author and playwright Jean Kerr said, “Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.”

What are you doing in your organization to encourage considerate and courteous interaction among your colleagues?